The Super Random Megas Awesome DGrayMan Fanfic
by The-Exorcist-Trio
Summary: Okay everyone, here we have a bunch of random one-shots featuring your favourite exorcists! they're random, irrelevant, crack-filled, and well... you get the picture.
1. Introduction

_Hello everyone, before you start reading this horrible excuse for a fan fiction, there are a few things we would like you to know._

_There is no continuity between chapters. Each chapter is its own… story? Well, maybe you could call it that._

_The stories may contain varying levels of randomness, retardedness, high levels of censoring, crossdressing, genderbending, character bashing, chatspeak (mostly from Usagi), threatening notes and possible (implied or otherwise) yaoi. Anyone who doesn't like this stuff can go jump._

_As there are three authors, the storyline may change completely during the course of a chapter. Most of the time, this is a bad thing. (If you want to know who the authors are, go check on our user page. Because I'm too lazy to type them here :P )_

_D. Gray-Man and any other series referenced in this series does not belong to us. (It's probably a good thing too…)_

_So, if you're ready, let the Chaos begin! _

* * *

**- Writers Notes - **

**Baka Usagi here **

**Giving a larger thanks to Kanda **_"HEY! Don't call me that!" _**who wrote the first part of this fanfic (P:S: she gets angry when we call her Kanda cause… no idea :P)**

**Writers are **

**Kanda **

**Moyashi**

**Usagi (myself) **

**This is the explanation to our names… please look at our account name cough cough (The-Exorcist-Trio, if u didn't know ==" I will be every upset and you will find urself dead in the morning). **

**Yeah, we somehow gave each other nicknames which are related to the 3 main characters (not including Lenalee cause she's not important [P:S: all three of us hate Lenalee, except Kanda, so u might expect a lot of lena-bashing]) Allen, Kanda and Lavi ****I think u may already know who's who. **

**Btw. If u didn't get it into ur thick dumb head. **

Kanda** – **_Italic _

Usagi** – Bold **

Moyashi** –** Underline

**Stupid idio… **_*SLAP_

"**owww T^T whats that for?" **

"_STOP HARASSING OUR READERS!! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET ANY REVEIWERS IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS!!"_

"**==" yeah yeah.. nag nag nag."**

_*SLAP_

"**GOOO AWAYYYY!! ****" **

"_and stop calling me Kanda…"_

"SHUSHHH!!!!! IM TRYING TO SLEEP!!" 


	2. Allen the Mind Reader

_Authors Notes: Well, here's our first story. You have been warned. We all wrote this one together, so ou know it's going to be--- -ahem- just lovely… (it's finally been posted after a LOT of delay ==;; ) So, without further ado, blah blah blah we don't own anything, story, begin!_

* * *

_**Allen The Mind Reader**_

It was a bright and cheerful morning at the black order.

…Well, not really.

Kanda currently had Mugen at Lavi's throat threatening him for some reason and Allen had just eaten his… god knows how many dangos he ate, lets just say 499th mitarashi dango with a content sigh as Lenalee stared at him in disbelief.

"Ah, I think I'll have just one more…" Allen decided.

"Don't you think that's a bit too much?" Lenalee asked.

"…Absolutely not."

Allen went to Jerry and ordered another dango. As Allen swallowed the dango in one gulp, he felt rather odd.

"Hey Jerry… this dango tastes a bit—"

Allen then collapsed.

* * *

"Allen-kun, are you okay?"

"Moyashi-chan~ you fainted~~"

"Baka Moyashi. Only an idiot like you would be stupid enough to eat five hundred dangos."

"Uhh… My head…" Allen said as he tried to get up. His skull was pounding as if someone let loose Lavi and Kanda inside his head.

_Hmm… if he doesn't wake up properly I could put him in that giant panda suit I got Kanda for Christmas…_

"What?!" Allen bolted up staring in shock at Lavi who looked equally surprised.

"I'm not going to wear a panda suit!"

"Huh?"

"What are you talking about Allen?" Lenalee asked.

_He must have had a bad dream… Maybe Lavi told him he was planning to put Kanda in a Panda suit and it gave him nightmares…_

"What?!" Allen yelled again, turning towards Lenalee.

Kanda grabbed a hold of Mugen glaring at the confused boy.

"Che! What the hell is with you, Baka Moyashi?!"

_I knew it! He __**so **__lost his marbles maybe even before he came here! He's __**so totally **__nuts! I like nuts… __**And bamboo! **__They're so __**totally **__Awesome… and tasty… __**like SOBA!!! **_Kanda ranted without even moving his mouth!

"What's going on?!" Allen screamed as he ran out of the cafeteria.

Well… he tried to until he forgot the door was closed.

**Bang! **

…Ow.

* * *

Allen slowly opened his eyes, to find Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee and Komui standing over him. His head kept on pounding, but this time it was havoc.

_KAGHH! Allen looks so cute~! _Allen stared at Komui, he opened his mouth to say something but instead millions of voices started shouting in his head.

_Che! How totally idiotic of the moyashi! Although I would totally enjoy some soba!_

_LOL~! Allen-kun looks funny~!_

_Is he all right? Maybe I should kiss him to wake him up!_

As soon as the long haired exorcist said this (Lenalee NOT Kanda) Allen jumped up on the spot and screamed:

"NOOOOOO! SHUT UP!! SHUT THE ***BEEP*** UP!!!" The already quiet room fell even quieter.

"Um… Allen-kun?" Lenalee said in a small voice. "No one was talking…"

"Yes you were! And you're not going to kiss me!!!" Allen screamed and ran out of the room.

Just as he got into the corridor, he felt his stomach grumble and he… **vomited** then fainted… _again._

For the third time in the Fanfic; Allen woke up (again) in his room, but the difference was… it was _quiet._

**No** noise.

**No** ones thoughts.

Allen sighed and went back to sleep wondering what had happened.

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

While making Allen's 500th(?) dango. Jerry had run out of mitarashi dango sauce. He found a little tube of brownish stuff that looked like the sauce.

Shrugging, Jerry poured the test tube and it's contents onto the dangos.

Little did Jerry know… that the test tube contained Komui's latest experiment that makes the consumer read everyone's thoughts…

**END OF FLASHBACK**

* * *

_Somewhere in the Black Order…_

"WHERE'S EXPERIMENT 2015?!?!?! I WORKED ON IT FOR **5 MONTHS**!!!"

"_**NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Komui exclaimed as he discovered the empty test tube in Jerry's kitchen.

Well done Jerry.

**THE END**

* * *

_so, there you have it. There is more randomness to come! –triumphant music-_


	3. Moonlight Densetsu

_Author's notes: this is what happens when you get an overdose of Sailor Moon, even if it's only the abridged series. We don't own sailor moon or D. Gray –Man, so yeah._

* * *

_**Moonlight Densetsu**_

"Yuu-Chan~" Lavi called out, searching for the samurai-exorcist, trying to find him.

"Hey Moyashi-chan, have you seen Yuu-chan anywhere?"

"Nope, haven't seen him all day. In fact, today has been the best day ever. I got his share of breakfast, there haven't been any near-death experiences, in fact I haven't been injured all day!"

"Yeah, well that's great and all, but if I don't find him soon, I'll have to find the next best person to annoy…"

Knowing that the 'next best person' would be himself, Allen immediately agreed to help find Kanda.

They spent hours searching the black order (It IS a big castle after all) during which time Lavi was singing the chorus of "I want you" by Kelly Clarkson (because that was the only part he knew) over and over, which annoyed Allen quite a bit.

"I want you you you, a-you you you I I I want you--"

"For God's sake, Lavi, if you want Kanda that badly, why don't you actually attempt to look for him instead of just singing!"

"…You're mean, Moyashi-chan :("

* * *

"No one else will do, No one makes me smile, no one gets me how(?) no one else is you~"

"Look, Lavi, would you stop singing?! I think I know where he is anyway."

"Then why didn't you say so?"

"I did, thirteen times already."

"…Oh."

They had come to a stop outside Kanda's room. Why they hadn't looked there before, I don't know, but for the sake of the story they are both complete idiots.

"Well, it's locked." Allen tried opening the door.

"Ah, what if he's had a heart attack?! What if he's been attacked by Akuma?! Anything could have happened in there! Why, Yuu-chan, why?! Noooo--"

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen," Allen sighed as he tried to open the door with his innocence.

"I'm going to ignore that comment, Moyashi-chan. GIANT HAMMER COMING THROUGH!!!"

**[Overkill x 10,000]**

But Kanda didn't notice the destruction Lavi caused in destroying the door.

Because, as the dust cleared, they saw Kanda.

It was horrific.

He was dressed in Sailor moon's outfit, complete with extremely short blue skirt, white leotard, red knee-length boots, and yes, yes he had his hair done up in DANGOS.

And he didn't hear them because the music was turned up so loud.

With his back turned to them, Kanda began to sing.

"_Da da, da-da-da-da da da! _**[A/N: that's the opening instrumental btw]**

_Fighting evil by moonlight,_

_Winning love by daylight_

_Never running from a real fight_

_She is the one named sailor moon_

_She will never turn her back on her friends_

_She is always there to defend_

_She is the one on whom you can de-pend!_

_She is the one named sailor moon_

_Daaa dadadadadadaaaa da! Daaa dadadada_

_Doo do do do doo!_

_Fighting evil by moonlight_

_Winning love by daylight_

_Never running from a real fight_

_She is the one named sailor moon_

_She is the one named sailoooor…_

_Sailor Venus!_

_Sailor Mercury!_

_Sailor Mars!_

_Sailor Jupite-er!_

_See these powers are so new to her_

_She is the one named sailor moon_

_She is the one! _

_SAILOR MOON!"_

He was met by applause from Lavi, of course, but Allen just stood there, frozen.

Upon hearing Lavi's applause, Kanda slowly turned around to see a gaping hole in his room with Allen and Lavi standing in the middle of it.

"Wow, Kanda! That was great! I mean, you sang a few lyrics wrong, but altogether you did very well! A plus! Oh is Sailor Moon your favourite scout? I personally prefer Sailor Venus~"

"Oh, my favourite is sailor mercury," Allen chimed in.

Get ready for it.

"GET THE –BEEP- OUT OF MY –BEEPING- ROOM YOU –BEEPING- -BEEPITY- -BEEPS-! IF YOU TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS I'LL –BEEPING- CUT YOUR HEAD OFF, COVER YOU IN SULTANAS, THROW YOU IN A BLENDER, PUT YOU IN A CUP, AND FEED YOU TO MY LLAMAS!!! AND FYI, MY FAVOURITE SCOUT IS –BEEPING- SAILOR MARS!"

Allen and Lavi ran off, but they couldn't help but think that Kanda didn't look as threatening wearing sailor moon's costume.

"Che. I should have dressed up as Sailor Mars. She's so much better!"

* * *

_And now that image is burned in your brain forever! :D (this is what happens when I write a chapter by myself… there's usually some Kanda torture involved XD )_

_And! If you know who Marth and Ike are, please tell us which one you think is better (Marth) so I can win my argument against Moyashi! Thank you!_


	4. The Story

_Authors Notes: this is what happened when I was doing an assignment where I had to write a story about a samurai living during the time of the Mongol invasion. As you can see, I was still writing THAT story at midnight ==;; but at least we have this happy crack-filled story. Oh and italics are the stories that they are writing, in case you can't figure it out._

* * *

**The Story**

_Once upon a time in a strange faraway land called the black order, there lived a rather odd princess named Kandarell---_

"Ow, why'd you hit me? This is a good story!"

"Because, first of all, you're using some twisted female form of me as the main character, and second, that storyline is extremely overused, and also, you're an idiot!!!" Kanda yelled as he tore the paper Lavi was writing on to shreds.

"NOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL WORK!" he yelled in anguish as the pieces floated to the floor like snow.

"Che. It wasn't even one sentence!"

"Well, I'd like to see you do better!"

"Fine then, I will!"

Kanda sat down and picked up Lavi's pen and paper.

_"So, we meet again."_

_Kai raised his sword as he prepared himself for---_

"That's just a stupid story! It's like a typical shounen manga!" Lavi snatched the paper off Kanda.

"…Mine's different."

"And how is it different?!"

"…"

"Well?"

"…My character has realistic hair."

Just then, Allen walked past and happened to glance at the paper. Seeing their cliché ways of writing, he walked over, snatched the paper out of Lavi's hand and began to write.

_I stopped believing in magic a long time ago. When I was younger I would immerse myself in these magical lands of fantasy. When I found out the so-called truth, I was devastated. But little did I know, everything I had been told about magic, the lies as a child, and that it didn't exist, was all---_

"Wow, Moyashi-chan! That's really good writing!"

"Che. No it's not. It's typical of the fantasy genre. Boy doesn't believe in magic. Boy discovers it is real. Boy goes on long journey filled with turmoil in order to defeat the main villain of the series, and along the way gets various items that aid him in his quest, however these are useless against the villain, whose only weakness is the power of TRUE FRIENDSHIP."

"…Huh. You're right."

Noticing that Allen, Lavi and Kanda were all staring at something, Lenalee went over to look. Seeing that they were all trying to write stories, she asked,

"Can I have a turn?"

And since all three of them were like OMG it's Lenaleeeeee, except for Allen because he was actually having an affair with Road (HA I bet you didn't know that) even though you can't actually have an affair unless one of the people is already in a relationship with someone else, or maybe Road has someone, I don't know ok! Yeah anyway Lavi immediately handed the paper over and Kanda agreed since he wants people to know that, contrary to popular belief, he is not gay, and is actually homophobic in a very ironic way since he acts gay all the time but oh well I honestly don't care anymore, this paragraph is full of nonsense so I'm gonna skip to Lenalee's story.

_Sakura couldn't believe it. He had actually asked her on a date! The hottest guy in the school! Kyaaaaa~ she thought as she skipped home. She---_

"Um… Lenalee, I don't mean to be rude…" Allen started to say.

"Wah, what are you writing my dear Lenalee~"

At this point, everyone turned to see an extremely hyper Komui who must've had a million coffees, because he was grinning so hard that there is no way it wouldn't hurt unless you had a million coffees. If that makes sense. Which it doesn't.

So Komui laughed and skipped away, while talking to Jerry, "one day, my Lenalee is going to write an amazing shoujou manga, and I will be the first one to buy it! ~"

And then everyone was staring at him with faces like O_o;;

So no one noticed Miranda pick up the paper and attempt to write a story.

_As Lilia was walking home, it began to rain. She sighed. Why did everything in her life have to go wrong?_

"Why hello there, pretty lady~" Lavi said as he noticed her.

"Watcha writing?~"

"Ah, er, um… nothing… O///O" Miranda stuttered. She then dropped the paper and ran away.

"Che. What's her problem?" Kanda sat there with his arms crossed.

"Ah, poor Miranda. It seems that she can't admit her feelings"

Everone turned and stared at the Red-haired excorsist.

"What?" he asked everyone who was staring at him.

"You're such a Casanova," said some random finder. But everyone ignored him since no one cares about finders, so he went and cried in a corner. :P

At this point, Komui unfortunately returned, and decided to try to write too.

_So, there was, like, this one girl, and she was like OMG!~ lolwut. And then was like hi, and she was like, dude ur so weird how can you smile like that? And I was like it's magic~ and th---_

Kanda then stabbed Komui, in order to prevent any more rubbish from coming out of the idiotic scientist.

However, because Komui was actually a ninja, he came back to life in some weird way. He then moved to Hawaii and married a two-thousand year old she-man.

While Komui was still half-dead, Krory turned up and wanted to write too, so he picked up the pen and, here we go again.

_It was a dark and stormy night…_

"Wow, Krory, I couldn't possibly put it any lamer." said Chaoji.

"Wait, where did you come from?" said Road, who just walked in.

"Your mother" Chaoji responded as he picked up the pen and was about to write when he was kicked in the head by pretty much everyone who was there.

"You're not allowed to write a story, you're too fat" everyone yelled at him while Allen asked Road, "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be the bad guy?"

"Why, I'm here for you, Allen-kun~ 3" she responded before glomping Allen.

"Oh, Is that so…" Allen responded quietly while everyone was staring at them.

"What. The. Potatocake. " Kanda stared at him.

"Why is it that you and baka usagi are allowed to have various relationships with pretty much every girl in this entire series, but I just get ignored because everyone thinks I'm GAY?! LET ME TELL YOU, THIS WORLD IS UNFAIR. I HATE YOU A LL AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL. MAYBE YOU'LL THINK OF ME WHEN YOU'RE BURNING AND REALISE WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!! OR MAYBE YOU STILL WON'T CARE!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF!? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! BECAUSE I---"

"Kanda, your soba is ready~" jerry called out.

"Well, maybe I'll eat my soba first, BUT THEN!" he pointed his sword at everyone threateningly.

It was an awkward day at the black order.

* * *

_yeah… now that that's over…on to more… fun? ==;;_


	5. Tanabata Omake

- Writers Notes –

**Hello everyone. Btw, this story has NOTHING to do with D. Gray-man. But u should read it anyways cause it's cool like that **

**It was actually supposed to be a Japanese in-class assignment/ homework thing and it somehow turned out like this. :P **

**Enjoy ~**

* * *

_**Extra Bonus Story – Omake **_

_**In class research task - The Story of Tanabata **_

_**By Baka Usagi**_

There was once a young man who lived near the country part of Japan. One day he found a group of young beautiful goddesses bathing in the small pond. He noticed the lovely feather robes near the edge and stole one…and wanked over it :L

One by one, the goddesses began to dress and float back to heaven, except one girl, who couldn't seem to find her robe. As she went on looking, she had spotted the boy and asked him "have you seen my robe of feathers? Without them I cannot go back to heaven"

The boy pretended not to know what she was talking about and took her home.

The girls name was Tanabata. She and the boy got married and lived happily. One day, while the boy was out in the fields, she had found her robe, hidden in the floorboards. She was shocked and greatly upset. Once he boy came back, Tanabata had already worn the robes and began to ascend to heaven.

She cried as she went "if you truly love me, you will find the basket which comes down from heaven at the pond you have found me at. It is there to bring water up above. If you wish to see me, you will find that basket, once a month." As she said that, she disappeared into the air.

The boy deeply upset and felt guilty about betraying his "wife". He went to find the water basket near the pond. He had waited days and nights. One night he woke up to a bright light, a golden water basket and descended from heaven. He climbed in and brought back up. He was reunited with Tanabata.

Tanabata's father was not pleased with his daughter marrying a man from earth, and he made her husband do an impossible task. "You must go across to the other side of heaven where a special psychic rabbit lies; you must bring him back here and tell him, I will accept our deal". The boy wanting to impress Tanabata's father had sent out on his mission.

After a month of travelling, the boy encountered a large carrot hut. Assuming this was the rabbits home, he had entered. "hello? Is anyone there?" in a flash the boy was caught by a group of ogres. They had prepared to eat him and had a pot with boiling water. The boy panicked and said "STOP! You cannot kill me!" the ogres replied "why not?" The boy again thought of something very smart and said "I am the god! If you kill me I will have to blow your brains out!!!" the ogres grew very afraid, yet one brave ogre questioned the "god". "How can you prove you have such great powers??! You are such a small thing! How can you kill us?! "the other ogres agreed and growled.

"Well you see" said the boy "I have killed many other monsters much much much bigger than you! The are over 5 times your size!!" the ogres gasped in disbelief. "I BLEW THEIR BRAINS OUT!" he continued.  
"And I ate the rest of their bodies!" the ogres were very afraid and let the boy go. "You must treat me as a god!" he said "the other monsters in which I killed had made me their king!"

From then on, the boy was the king of the ogres. He asked them "where might I find the psychic rabbit?"

One of the ogres replied "in the dark forest" he said, "BUT! The rabbit is a dark, scary, horrible creature with BIG NASTY TEETH, which kills everything it comes in contact to. But you can probably kill him!" the ogre said. The boy got excited, been stuck in his own fantasy thought he was able to kill this rabbit. He had sent off to find the rabbit.

The boy found the forest and ventured in. he was standing tall and proud, thinking he had magical powers. Then he grew very afraid. Then he heard a dark scary growl, coming from the inside of the forest. He stopped. As voice as dark as night came from a large rock "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" it said. The boy stuttered "I…I..i have a message from the father of Tanabata…"

The voice stopped growling and said "continue..." the boy grew less afraid. He said "the king says, he wants to confirm his deal with you" the big rock shifted and the boy realised that the rock was not very big at all, but a small little rock. This had boosted the boys confidence. "The king says he needs to see you" the boy boomed out. The little rock shuttered and it started to grow ears and feet and a small fluffy little round tail. It was a rabbit! But not a scary rabbit which all the ogres told him about, but a small cute fluffy grey rabbit! The boy went off with the rabbit back towards Tanabata and her father.

As they arrived, Tanabata greeted her husband with a kiss, which seemed to make blood veins appear on her father's forehead. The rabbit hopped towards the king, and it shuddered again, but instead of turning into a rock, it turned into a beautiful girl with silky skin and long silver grey hair. The king greeted the rabbit/person and the boy had his jaw hanging 1cm off the ground. Seeing this, Tanabata slapped him for perving on other girls. :P

The girl and the king left to go into his 'private' chambers and came back out 5 minutes later. The girl turned back into a rabbit and the king boomed out. "you boy! You must go with the rabbit, her name is Usagi! And you are now her servant!" The boys eyes grew as big as an anime characters and Tanabata cried out "NO! FATHER! HE IS MY HUSBAND! YOU CANNOT DO THIS! I WILL NOT LET YOU!" Tanabata started running towards her husband but then a large river appeared in front of her, parting her from her husband. "MY DARLING!" "TANABATA!" they cried. The boy yelled "I will still love you forever! We will meet again!" the boys hand reached out as the rabbit dragged him along using her teeth. Tanabata's father seeing his daughter's tears said "I will let you see him once a year! On the same day, at the same time". Tanabata and despite everything her father did to make her happy, such as finding her more husbands and torture items (she unexpectedly accepted these) had a grudge on her father for the rest of his life.

The boy had surprisingly enjoyed his stay with the rabbit. As he had been assaulted with her overly lazy let sexually appealing features. LoL~

And every year, he and Tanabata met, they enjoyed the 24 hours he had with her once a year.. . yyeeee riighhhhttt

Then one day, after her meeting with her husband, Tanabata was pregnant… Her father went nuts.

* * *

**To be continued... maybe**


	6. The Corpse Samurai

**A/N:** Well... I got this idea while watching a scene from the movie _the Corpse Bride_ by Tim Burton xD Haha!  
Enjoy~  
-Moyashi  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own _DGM_ or _Corpse Bride_ and also I guess a warning for... "Implied" yaoi

**The Corpse Samurai**

The sound of the piano filled out through the silent mansion. The young male that was playing had pale white hair and an odd red scar down the left side of his face. Another unusual feature he had was that his left arm was all black.

The melody flowed around the room until...

**BANG!**

"Oi, Baka apprentice! We're gonna be late! So hurry up so I can get this over and done with then I can get drunk!" A man with long red hair burst through the door and grabbed the boy before he could get up and began to drag him across the floor.

"But-but why must I get married to someone I don't know!" The boy (who we know as Allen Walker) cried before being throwing in the carriage that was waiting outside.

"Because I have a debt to pay, now hush!" The man (Cross Marian) snapped before getting inside the carriage as well.

* * *

After a few seconds of driving around a statue, they arrived at another large mansion that was across from theirs. Allen walked out shaking, he was nervous about what his future wife would be like. _What if she is cruel and likes to kick puppies or something!_

"Hurry up damn it!" Cross yelled from the door, it was then Allen noticed it was opened by some fat guy that seem liked someone you could forget easily (*cough*Chaoji*cough*). Inside at the bottom of the stairs that was in the middle of the room was a man that wore a white lab coat and next to him a girl in a long black dress with her equally long hair tied up into two ponytails.

"Ah, you must be Allen Walker. I am Komui Lee and this is my beautiful, wonderful, should-be-queen-of-the-world sister, Lenalee Lee." The man spoke quickly with a large smile on his face before bringing his sister in front of Allen. Lenalee gave him a small, shy smile that made him blush lightly (_a/n:_ _urgh!_).

"Hello Allen; obviously I'm Lenalee I like walking through the park, singing, origami, karate, stealing candy from little kids, lighting shoes on fire and picking flowers."

_... Well... at least she doesn't kick puppies..._Allen thought.

"What do you like to do?" She asked leaning towards him.

"Oh, well I like-"

"He likes poker, looking up girl's dresses, skinny dipping and singing Celin Dion all night long. Now that is over and done with let's get over this wedding too." Cross said before heading towards the dining room. Komui followed him after giving Allen a warning glare.

"It isn't the wedding, that's tomorrow!"

"Whatever!"

* * *

Allen gave a sad sigh while he continued to walk through the forest in the moonlight.

The wedding reversal was a complete disaster! He couldn't remember his vows and kept stuffing up. Cross wasn't much help as he had fallen asleep and then some man with curly hair (Lord Mikk or something) came to the reversal and Allen could_ feel_ the man staring at his backside while _flirting_ with _his_ fiancé. Allen couldn't stay there anymore and ran away into the forest.

"It can't be that hard to remember some vows..." Allen muttered while kicking a stone. "With this candle I will stick it in your ear... that doesn't sound right."

"With this cup I would put it on your head... what the hell?!" Allen yelled before kneeling next to a small pond. He looked into the water and saw a lone lotus flower. He continued to stare at it until it seemed to grow eyes and a mouth (a/n: even though he isn't Kanda xD).

"_Idiot! Just get it right for once and continue the story!"_

"Shut up random lotus flower! I'll show you I can do it!" Allen yelled while getting up and pulled out the gold wedding ring from his pocket.

"With this hand, I will lift your sorrows; your cup will never empty for I will be your wine, blah, blah, blah... I ask you to be mine!" He finished, putting the ring on a branch that was growing out of the ground that looked quite similar to a hand.

The wind picked up and Allen could hear the lotus flower laughing.

"What's so funny?!" He yelled before he felt something grasp his wrist. "AHH!"

He started to pull away from the grasp as hard as he could until the arm snapped and he was flung backwards. He lifted his hand and saw the arm of a skeleton still attached to his wrist. Giving the most 'manliest' scream he could muster he shook it off and noticed what seemed like a body crawling up from the group in a wedding dress.

When the figure finally rose up they lifted up the veil to reveal a very pissed off woman... with a manly voice?

"Give me my arm back you stupid Moyashi!" Yelled the woman... man? Uh... let's just say she-male, yeah. Allen let out another scream and quickly began to run away.

"Where do you think you're going?!" The she-male screech after him and it chased after the silver-haired boy... after grabbing its arm of course.

Allen ran through the trees as fast as he could, to get away from the enraged corpse (what else could it have been?!) that was close behind him cursing quite colourfully.

After tripping over a few rocks, running into trees and waiting for the traffic lights, Allen could finally see the end of the forest and the bridge which he had crossed earlier; which the author was too lazy to write about. But then Allen stopped on the bridge and turned around, noticing that the cussing had stopped.

The she-male had disappeared. Allen gave a relieved sigh, but when he turned around-

"SUGAR HONEY AND ICE TEA!!!" Allen screamed as the she-male stood in front of him panting with a harsh glare. The she-male lifted its arms and grabbed Allen's shoulders tightly before leaning its face close to Allen's.

_Its-its-ITS GOING TO KISS ME!!!_ Allen's mind screamed as the other's face came closer and closer.

"You may kiss the bride." The she-male whispered before giving a wicked grin.

"**NOT!**"

And then the she-male head butted Allen, making him fall unconscious.

* * *

"Gah!" Allen cried jumping out of bed. He snapped his head side to side before giving out a large sigh of relief.

"It was just a nightmare... thank god..."

"What was 'just a nightmare', Moyashi?" A familiar voice asked from the other side of the room.

"HOLY SHI-!"

**THE END**

* * *

Would have written more but then it would have been too long xD and this is a short story thing haha! Anyway, this is the first short story that I have started and finished (I have two other ones I need to finish ^^;)

So!... Review please~! And... Kanda, Ike is better xD

_No Way! Marth is better! I will win, you will see, moyashi!_


	7. Happy Kanda

**[A/N: For this story, any inappropriate words are replaced by the world (PotatoCake!)] **

**At first Kanda started writing this story then I took over and manipulated it with my mental-ness. Enjoy a whole lot of random-ness and a bit of yaoi. ;)**

**- Baka Usagi Signing off**

* * *

_**If you're happy and you know it…**_

* * *

"Why do I have to follow the **(PotatoCake!)**ing customs to your **(PotatoCake!)**ing religion?"

Leverier sighed as he put down his tea.

"You are a representative of God and the church, Kanda Yuu, your vulgar ways cannot be tolerated. You are, from now on, forbidden to be violent, swear, or be angry at anyone without good reason. And you're not allowed to look to look so angry or sad anymore. We don't want anyone thinking we're mistaking you now do we?"

"Che! The (PotatoCake!) I care what others think about your stupid organization!"

Leverier smoothed his ridiculous Hilter-esque moustache.

"If you don't comply with my requests, we can always just send you back THERE…"

"You (PotatoCake!) …"

And stop calling the other exorcists names. I'm sure they don't appreciate it."

"That's pushing it"

"I'm sure they're very anxious to see you…"

"Che!"

* * *

"Hi, Yuu-Chan~" Lavi came running up to Kanda.

"I told you not to call – " but then Kanda remembered Leverier and his threat.

"He…l..lo.. La….vv..i.." he said stiffly forcing the words out of his mouth..

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII – " Lavi stopped midway in his ultra long "hi" when his jaw dropped to the ground, eyes as wide as a cooking pan. Kanda "Che"d and walked away.

* * *

Kanda entered the cafeteria amd went straight to Jerry.

"Your usual Soba and tempura Kanda?"

"Yes… plee....a..aasseee..."

Jerry handed him his food and was thanked by Kanda with a smile, which broke a nearby finder's mirror **(cause a finders mirror has no interest to anyone else other than the finder who owns the mirror. So HA! In ur face finder!) [A/N:_ this is where I (Mokona, who is not Kanda) stopped contributiong to this story. please don't blame me for the following retardedness. thanks]_**

Everyone was stunned and gobsmacked **(I always wanted to use that word!) – [Moyashi's only contribution to this story]**

Now as Kanda made his way around the black order, he began to feel a slight happy, warm tingling. He smiled and said "I'm SOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPYYYY!". All the windows in the corridor smashed to tiny little pieces which crumbled when Kanda skipped along to the other side.

"HELLO! I LOVE U ALL!" Kanda cried as he swang his arms and giggled like a little girl.

While quietly sneaking across the corridor, [avoiding all contact with Kanda] Allen unfortuneately met the corrupted, a little too happy … Kanda… (= =") **[A/N:(OMG! YULLEN! MWaHAHAHHAHHA!) ~Moyashi :D ]**

"Allen chan!" Kanda cried, as he put his arms around Allen's neck, hugging him tightly. Allen froze, no muscle in his body moved. Kanda at this reaction said,

"Oh, Allen chan! Do I look THAT stunning? I will dress up for you!" Kanda skipped away leaving poor little Allen stuck on the spot.

Now as Kanda was making his way to Lennelee's room, singing 'Barbie Girl' at the top of his lungs, destroying all windows, door, tiles, eardrums and any other breakable object to implode (somehow… in a way), saw Lavi, who had his headphones turned up to maximum volume (probably cause he didn't want to listen so a particular whiney little voice such as cough.. komui's… cough), was also singing and braking a lot of furniture and windows. Kanda ran up to Lavi jumped on his back and said  
"Lavi chan~ can you please take me to Lennelee's room? My feet are terribly sore."

Lavi mistaking Kanda's fake girl voice for Lenalee's **[A/N: (except Kanda's fail version was much better than the actual thing… Lenalee.. cough.. ew… cough..) _I don't see why you two hate Lenalee so much, she's ot that bad, she just needs to change her clothes..._]** rushed off to 'her' room. Lavi at top speed, unable to slow down or other wise do anything but run, slammed into the door, smashing it to smithereens (if that's a word). Kanda flew off of Lavi's back onto the bed, safely landing on top of Lenalee's face (HA!).

"Oh, I'm sooo sorry Lenalee chan!"

He hopped off the bed and went straight to the closet, stepping on the half dead rabbit on the floor (aka, Lavi).

"Ahh this will do" Kanda undressed, put on Lenalee's bra and her most valuable party dress.

"Perrrrfect~!" he cried applying make-up and shoving tissues into the bra.

"Bye-Bye Lenni chan~!" Kanda winked, curtsied at the shocked long haired exorcist and walked out of the room wearing heels.

* * *

By the time Kanda got back to Allen, he was singing AND dancing! Poor Allen was just as he was when Kanda left him. Kanda jumped into Allen's arms (who just managed to react and catch him :L), put his arms around Allen's neck and kissed him (on the cheek or where ever u may want to imagine ;D ).

"Ohhhh, Allen Chan~! Aren't I beautiful?"

Allen screeched (like a girl), dropped Kanda and started scratching his eyes out screaming "OH MY GOOOODDD! MY EYEEESSS! HELPPP MEE!"

Allen ran off screaming for mercy at the top of his lungs. Kanda sat in the corner crying and mumbling to himself,

"He doesn't love me!…" /3

* * *

_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY STORY.... you turned it into yaoi, Usagi! I will get you back! somehow... yeah. _


	8. I Know What You Did Last Night

**Moyashi :** Uh... I started this at 3am one morning (waiting for a World Cup match) and now I decided to finish it at around 12am cause... I have nothing better to do (and my other fanfic is on another computer xD)  
I'm sorry the craziness below.

**

* * *

**

I Know What You Did Last Night

The first thing that Allen felt when he woke up in the morning was his splitting headache. It was like a monkey decided to bang a coconut against his head repeatedly! The sprout groaned in pain and he thought if he turned to the side it would be better so he twisted to the right of his bed but it just happens to be where the window was. Whimpering from the burning sensation he could feel behind his eyelids he turned to the left... but he felt something warm hit his face.

_What is that?_

Allen forced his eyes open to see where the warm air was coming from only to meet a pair of dark, blue eyes that also forced themselves open against a beating headache. The duo continued to stare at each other until they began to realise who the other was.

_Moyashi..._

_BaKanda..._

_What the-_

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

A somewhere in the Black Order a finder who bought a new mirror after Chapter 7's incident began to sob as it broke again.

* * *

"That was the worst possible way to wake up in the morning..." Allen grumbled as he placed his mountain of food on the cafeteria table and then slumped down on the seat.

After their screaming fest, Kanda had bolted from the bed and neither wanted to hang around and figure out why both were clad in only their boxers (not briefs xD).

Allen gave out a sigh before sticking dangos in his mouth with a frown.

"Ne, good morning Moyashi-chan~" Lavi's cheerful voice intruded his thoughts before he sat next to him, his face leaning close to Allen's with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"It's Allen... Why are you looking at me like that Lavi?" Come to think of... While Allen was heading towards the cafeteria many of the finders and exorcists avoided eye contact and either paled or became bright red as they quickly past him even Link ran away with a bright red face AWAY from him!

"Do you remember anything about last night's party?" Lavi questioned with a large grin. Oh yeah, forgot to mention why both Allen and Kanda had a headache in the morning (which was blown away with the surprise awakening)... You see my dear readers, that's right, **YOU**! Last night the Black Order decided to have a party so they can relax even though they still have to fight the Earl and to keep it short... there was a lot of booze... I MEAN A LOT.

"Eh? Now that I think about it... I can't remember what happened after Miranda began singing **Livin' La Viva Loca**... It's all pitch black-why are you laughing?" Allen snapped as Lavi cracked up laughing. As the red-head calmed down and wiped a fake tear from his eye.

"I know what you did last night~"

"Huh? What did I do?"

Lavi just gave another giggle before standing up and walking away. Allen watched him as he ran into Kanda and whispered in his ear causing Kanda to look at his retreating back with confusion.

* * *

"Morning, Lenalee!" The Chinese girl turned her head at the sound of her name; a small smile graced her face as the white-haired exorcist jogged up next to her.

"I know what you did last night~" She responded with a large smile and a tilt of her head. Allen groaned in frustration.

"Why is everyone saying that? And I've noticed they have been telling the BaKanda the same thing... What did we both do?"

After his brief talk with Lenalee and those mysterious parting words; Allen decided to go and see Miranda and Marie who weren't too far away and ask them what happened last night only to hear:

"Walker-san, I know what you did last night."

"A-ah... I k-know what you d-d-d-did last night."

Miranda turned so red she fainted from all the blood that rushed towards her head and Marie had to carry her away. Allen was left alone in the hallway and he could have sworn a tumbleweed passed him.

_Why does everyone say that? And why does their faces suddenly change colour at the sight of me?... I guess I have no choice, I wanted to avoid this... but, it's my last option..._

Allen took a deep breath and began to walk forward towards his destination and just as randomly as that tumbleweed's appearance; Allen could suddenly hear dramatic music rise up from nowhere.

_I need to talk to Kanda._

_**DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!**_

"God damn it! Would you stop!"

_**... I know what you did last night.**_

"GAH!"

* * *

"Oi, BaKanda I need to talk with you... hehe! _Yuu_..." (a/n: I do that with our own Kanda x3)

"Shut the **(potatocake!)** up... am I still being censored?" Allen ignored Kanda's question and stood next to him.

"Have people being going up to you and saying 'I know what you did last night?'" Kanda stared at him as if he had asked him 'do you shave or wax?' (a/n: I don't know where that came from O.o). Before the younger exorcist knew it he was suddenly pushed against the wall with Mugen lightly touching his neck.

"How do you know about that? Have you been stalking me Moyashi?" Now it was Allen's turn to return the look mentioned above.

"Why would I stalk you?"

"Because... I'm a sexy samurai."

"Please, you didn't make it to **Top 10 Hot Samurais** in last week's papers." (a/n: I'll explain at the end ^^;)

"Shut up! That strawberry had no right to be there!"

A cough had interrupted the duo's arguing. They turned to see Toma standing there with a weird glint in his eyes and what seemed to be a smirk under the bandages.

"What? We're busy." Kanda grunted.

"I can see that Kanda-dono... I know what you both did last night and Komui-dono would like to see you both." And with that, the finder disappeared leaving the two exorcists gaping at the empty air... the tumbleweed past by again.

"That is the second time I've seen that tumbleweed..." Allen murmured as Kanda backed away from him. The Japanese exorcist just snorted and pulled the other to walk.

* * *

"I know what you two did last night."

"Oh for **(potatocake!)** sake!" Allen exclaimed when he entered Komui's office with Kanda, earning two surprised gazes.

"He got censored too..."

"Sorry about that Allen," Komui spoke over Kanda's whisper. "I just wanted you both to come in a watch this video that I recorded last night and see what you think~"

Both Allen and Kanda watched as Komui's face darkened and his glasses suddenly began to shine when there was hardly any light.

"Reever can you put the tape in?"

"Urgh, fine... by the way, I know what you two did last night." The exorcists couldn't be bothered to reply. The silence in the office was heavy until Komui decided to break it.

"Have you met the new exorcist? He's a tumbleweed."

"Oh yeah, I've seen him... likes to appear in awkward moments doesn't he?" Allen questioned.

"Yeah, has a tendency to appear right at that moment."

"Alright done! That tumbleweed is a nice fellow too." Reever commented before leaving.

"Isn't he; alright now to play the video." Komui picked up the remote and let the film play.

_**[IN THE VIDEO]**_

_For some reason Allen and Kanda were standing on a table dancing what seemed to be the Nutbush, but the words coming out of their mouths was completely different._

"_It's raining men! Halleluiah it's raining men!"_

_The video suddenly changed to another part where Allen was holding Kanda in bridal style._

"_Don't worry Barbie! I'll save you from Ken!" Allen cried out before giving a sudden dash forward... but he didn't get very far and crashed into a wall and then falling on his back with the long-haired exorcist across him._

"_Stupid... I'm not Barbie! I'm Princess Peach and you're saving me from Mario so you and I can have an affair Luigi!" Kanda slurred (_a/n: can't be bothered to write the slur xD)

_The image changed again to Allen suddenly ripping his clothes off while screaming bloody murder... well not that exactly._

"_I'm on fire! I'M FUCKING ON FIRE!" _("Hey! He wasn't censored!" – Kanda)

_The camera zoomed away towards the other side of the room where Kanda was slowly stripping __his__ clothes off slowly while singing __**I Feel like a Woman**__. Suddenly Lavi appeared on the screen putting what seemed like $20 in Kanda's boxers before giving his butt a slap and chuckled away._

("That explains where our clothes went." – Allen and Kanda)

_Once again the screen changed to show Allen and Kanda holding hands and running in the corridors before heading inside what seemed to be Allen's bedroom. The camera person walked up to the door only to hear loud moaning noise coming from Kanda outside the door._

_**[PAUSE]**_

Komui pause the video when he heard two thumps from the other side of his desk. He stood up and leaned forward to see both Allen and Kanda on the floor with crosses on their eyes and foam rising out of their mouths.

The supervisor sighed and shook his head; he turned back to the screen and pressed play to resume the film.

_**[PLAY]**_

_The camera man seemed curious on what is going on behind the door and opened it to reveal Allen and Kanda on the floor playing with Mario plushies._

_Kanda had Luigi and Princess Peach making out and he made the moaning sound effect as Allen, who had Mario, in a red car drive up next to them and pulled the plumber out the car and gave a fake startled gasp._

"_Peach! Luigi! Whata you doing?" He exclaimed in a fake Italian accent._

"_Havina affair Mario." Kanda replied with his own fake accent._

_**[END OF TAPE] and**_** END OF STORY~!**

* * *

So... yeah  
The whole Hot Samurai thing is based off this drawing which is in my DeviantART called "whatever..." and I'm sorry if your brain exploded... mine nearly did with the ending xD

Haha! Ciao~


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